I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
