In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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