And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
