So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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