Moan for me like Helen Keller
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
