Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
