if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
