I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
