someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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