Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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