so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
