I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
