Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
