she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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