DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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