I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
