we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
