I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
