I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
