i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
