your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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