You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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