i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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