Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
