My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
