i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
whose parrot is this?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
