i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
