Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
pop tarts are not kleenex
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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