When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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