I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
