there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
