You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
