Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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