he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
jump out the window naked night went bad
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
