he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
