dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
