people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
