I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
