I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
