i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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