We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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