Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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