Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
