I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
