Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
