According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
