Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
