why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
