this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
