my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
only you would photoshop your dick
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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