i already hear my dad disowning me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
