theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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