I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
