Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
