It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
