We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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