Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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