I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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